


athletics of the heart

by Anonymous



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Modern AU, Multi, Textfic, these four are the only focal points lol, unapologetic referencing to modern pop culture as per usual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29758245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Makoto texts the wrong number and ends up with a nice bunch of friends.[aka; an unrepentantly not-so-serious spectacle of textfic despite the oddly serious title]
Relationships: Asahina Aoi/Kirigiri Kyoko, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 15
Kudos: 41
Collections: Anonymous





	1. romanticized by wilhelm shakingfries

**Author's Note:**

> listen i know the danganronpa tag is SATURATED with textfics so. there's absolutely no way i want this showing up under my pen name. anyway i saw some nice naegami and kirihina art and had this insatiable need to make content for it… here we are. also they’re both focal points! only the four of them bc i care them <3
> 
> this is loosely inspired by sevenohfive’s ‘very cool, hina’ and mellofricker’s ‘if 2 phantom thieves were on the moon and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what’ btw! and by ‘loosely’ i mean the influence is so minimal you wouldn’t see it at all :^)
> 
> togami and kirigiri appear next chapter. probably.

**WED 25 Aug (12:19 PM)**

**Naegi Makoto:** hey do you mind if we meet up at the park instead of the mall?? this stray cat just spit a hairball on me (no!! seriously!!) when i was passing by the dry cleaning

 **Naegi Makoto:** the park is also nearer and has a nice restroom where i could change haha. sorry for the inconvenience kuwata-kun!

**+81XXX:** whoa ahaha who dis

**Naegi Makoto:** this isn’t funny kuwata-kun >:( they assigned me as your tutor for this semester and you have to take this seriously

**+81XXX:** hhh studying is just so tedious though!! it’s the worsstttt

 **+81XXX:** and i don’t think studying w u would help me at all :/

**Naegi Makoto:** hey!! don't be mean!! maizono-san referred you to me!!

 **Naegi Makoto:** it’s also not my fault you’re failing your phys ed course?? you should’ve shifted to musical compostion before the semester began D:

**+81XXX:** OHHHH RIGHT. RIGHT.

 **+81XXX:** hehe yeah!! how could i forget that!!!

 **+81XXX:** ur SOOOOO right ahaha

**Naegi Makoto:** kuwata-kun you are being needlessly obtuse today?? you’re more straightforward than this it’s sort of strange

**+81XXX:** ok but ur stranger

**Naegi Makoto:** HUH??

**+81XXX:** u sound like my roommate hehe

 **+81XXX:** she’s very blunt but also quiet. she's also so… eloquent it’s a funny combo

**Naegi Makoto:** ,,,i didn’t know you live with a roommate? i thought you lived with your parents??

 **Naegi Makoto:** did you desert them or elope or something??

 **Naegi Makoto:** if that sounded rude then im sorry

**+81XXX:** no because THEY deserted ME

 **+81XXX:** and by deserted i mean i aced the FUCK out of home ec baking in high school bc if i cant have sweets then ill make it myself and shit

 **+81XXX:** like. deserts. Just deserts haha

 **+81XXX:** …that didn’t land didn’t it.

**Naegi Makoto:** huh???

**+81XXX:** i think im going to stop being mean and tell u that u have the wrong number lol

**Naegi Makoto:**.

 **Naegi Makoto:** oh .

 **Naegi Makoto:** um. well.

 **Naegi Makoto:** hdjshfj im so sorry!! i just got a new phone and mustve punched in a few digits wrong D: im sorry again!!

**+81XXX:** lmaooo i'll say?? don’t apologize?? good luck w that phys ed stuff though!! i know personally how daunting that might be since im in a lecture of that rn lol

**Naegi Makoto:** :o hey pay attention!!

 **Naegi Makoto:** i kinda sound like a really snobby friend of mine but you might learn something out of that and stuff…

**+81XXX:**??? r u a TA or something

 **+81XXX:** eh whatever. good afternoon to u magnetic hairball stranger ☆=(ゝω･)/

\--

**TUE 31 Aug (3:10 PM)**

**+81XXX:** i just remembered this thing two days ago where my roommate’s friend’s cat spat out a hairball and it reminded me of u lolz (●o’∪`o)ノ―♪`*.+

**Naegi Makoto:** who is this?

**+81XXX:** the wrong number u texted on the 25th hiii

**Naegi Makoto:** ohhh

 **Naegi Makoto:** why?? are you texting me??

**+81XXX:** WAIT LMAO YOU REMEMBER ME?? wild.

 **+81XXX:** ngl i thought you would delete that conversation or smthn

 **+81XXX:** im just bored and my roomie is busy so she wont talk to me much :(

**Naegi Makoto:** but it’s tuesday? don’t you have work or classes or something

 **Naegi Makoto:** sorry i just kinda inferred you are in college like i am

 **Naegi Makoto:** …or are you just some creepy stranger acting very kind to get info out of me and i need to block this number immediately

**+81XXX:** ok so first question?? yes ur correct im in college (hell). second no im not some creep that’s unthinkable and gross

 **+81XXX:** im not gonna go suddenly appear behind ur back in the middle of the night while some banger opera music is playing in the bg

 **+81XXX:** also bc the current lecture is BORING and my roomie is a law student whos at the other side of the campus and wont reply to my texts!! shes all study and no rest T3T

**Naegi Makoto:** that sounds like someone i know haha

 **Naegi Makoto:** he can be kind of rude sometimes, but he’s… okay?? And he’s working on it!! if he warms up to you and knows you well enough lol

 **Naegi Makoto:** he’s also all study and no rest :(

**+81XXX:** WORKAHOLIC FRIENDS GANG GANG

 **+81XXX:** also tbf with u im surprised u havent blocked me yet lol

**Naegi Makoto:** why would i??

**+81XXX:** bro why wouldn’t u

 **+81XXX:** im litrally a random number who decided to strike up a conversation with u……… does that not ring any bells??? raise any flags?? helloooo?????

 **+81XXX:** or r u a guy

**Naegi Makoto:** HELPSKDS

 **Naegi Makoto:** i mean.

 **Naegi Makoto:** my workaholic slash snobby friend DOES know and DID warn me but like.

 **Naegi Makoto:** i can’t explain it??

 **Naegi Makoto:** it’s your vibes!! i think you are very nice!!

**+81XXX:** whoa ur rlly trusting… its bringing tears to my eyes

 **+81XXX:** well. ya know. more figuratively. bc crying in the middle of a lecture hall would be weird but you get the point

 **+81XXX:** ok but what if. What if. What if the reason why u texted me was

 **+81XXX:** bc i am kuwata-kun’s sister.

**Naegi Makoto:** HUH???

 **Naegi Makoto:** KUWATA-KUN HAS A SISTER???

**+81XXX:** our numbers r very close to each other that’s why u mistakenly texted me…….

 **+81XXX:** us meeting is a once in a blue moon opportunity

 **+81XXX:** the stars have aligned and fate is making her move

**Naegi Makoto:** WAI T WHGAT

**+81XXX:** the truth is i've been your secret admirer for a long time.

**Naegi Makoto:** STOP TYPING OMG

**+81XXX:** i think i'm… in love with you

**Naegi Makoto:** WAIT WAITHJ HDG I SAID STOP

 **Naegi Makoto:** WAIT

**+81XXX:** yes? (★≧▽^))★☆

**Naegi Makoto:** if you are his sister then what is your name

 **Naegi Makoto:** and what is MY name

**+81XXX:** i am,.,.,., romeo.

 **+81XXX:** and u r juliet

 **+81XXX:** our families r driving us apart

 **+81XXX:** and our tale is forever tested by the tides of time and lovingly written slash romanticized by wilhelm shakingfries

**Naegi Makoto:** …you’re horrible at this

**+81XXX:** yeah <3

**Naegi Makoto:** are you on crack?

**+81XXX:** AHSJHDJSH NO LMAO

 **+81XXX:** no fr. hardly

 **+81XXX:** if anything its jus da caffeine

 **+81XXX:** you should see my roommate she treats caffeine like a lifeline lol

 **+81XXX:** doing drugs just seems like a safer option at this point

**Naegi Makoto:** right

 **Naegi Makoto:** also. im pretty sure that’s not how you spell william shakespeare

**+81XXX:** I SAID ALL THAT AND THAT’S WHAT U CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON??

 **+81XXX:** but yeah. this is my brand

 **+81XXX:** can i call u juliet. bc idk what else to call u

**Naegi Makoto:** ok then “”romeo-san””

 **Naegi Makoto:** and my name isn’t obviously juliet!!

**+81XXX:** lol k then what is it

**Naegi Makoto:** …

**+81XXX:** PSYCHE DONT ANSWER THAT

 **+81XXX:** nobody gives their names to strangers duh :P

 **+81XXX:** …wait. were u planning to give it

**Naegi Makoto:** UM

 **Naegi Makoto:** no??

**+81XXX:** sounds fake but ok

**Naegi Makoto:** ;-;

 **Naegi Makoto:** middle income family just got internet in the recent years and it’s very hard to learn the etiquette on my own ahaha…

**+81XXX:** u gotta watch ur back and identity juliet-san!! U never know whats lurking in these parts.,.,. into the unknown

 **+81XXX:** who knows. u might be chatting up with a fae rn and as i speak i am enchanting u to get u to say ur real name and pronouns so i can steal them away use it to broker for more valuable assets

**Naegi Makoto:** why is that very and oddly specific

**+81XXX:** funny internet meme that i have absorbed through osmosis

 **+81XXX:** and those are not my words… they are verbatim from my roomie :]

**Naegi Makoto:** understandable

 **Naegi Makoto:** your roommate seems cool

**+81XXX:** not as obnoxious-sounding as your snobby friend probably

**Naegi Makoto:** DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HIM UGHGHGH I DON’T WHETHER TO LIKE HIM OR NOT LIKE HIM UGHGHGFJGH

**+81XXX:** judging by that u r in the trademark state for

 **+81XXX:** Frustration

**Naegi Makoto:** …mayhaps

**+81XXX:** omg… r u a fellow

 **+81XXX:** YOU KNOW

 **+81XXX:** YOU KNOW YOU KNOW YOU KNOW

 **+81XXX:** limp wrist

**Naegi Makoto:** limp wrist?? what does that mean??

 **Naegi Makoto:** wait

 **Naegi Makoto:** OHHHHHH

 **Naegi Makoto:** yeah!! i also partake in the limp wrist!!

**+81XXX:** OMG OMG HIII

 **+81XXX:** why does talking to u feel a million times better now

**Naegi Makoto:** maybe its because we are?? attracted to each other like a pack of poorly emotionally regulated wolves

**+81XXX:** gay people really are magnetized to each other like flocks…

**Naegi Makoto:** ahaha yeah :D I’m bi btw

**+81XXX:** nice

 **+81XXX:** im a fuckign uh

 **+81XXX:** gfirlkisser

**Naegi Makoto:** nice

**+81XXX:** so r u not gonna tell me ur name, juliet??

**Naegi Makoto:** probably not

 **Naegi Makoto:** but will a nickname be ok?? :’D

**+81XXX:** ok you know what yeah

 **+81XXX:** fair fair me 2

**Naegi Makoto:** please call me mako for now!! i am in fact a guy who uses the usual referring pronouns associated with the word as you have guessed right for some unfathomable reason

**+81XXX:** hellooo mako-kun ＼(★^∀^★)／ it's just instinct yk

 **+81XXX:** i wanna stay as romeo

**Naegi Makoto:** …why

 **Naegi Makoto:** not even a name that would roll of the tongue??

 **Naegi Makoto:** i knew it. you won’t tell me anything. you are the serial killer in this strange and long equation

**+81XXX:** lol

 **+81XXX:** now why would i kill cereal?? thats just a waste of cash, time and lifestyle

 **+81XXX:** do u know how much choco chip cereal takes out of my fucking retail check

**Naegi Makoto:** oh the things you sacrifice for sweet glucose filled cereal,.,.

**+81XXX:** im an athlete lol i burn carbs on the daily

**Naegi Makoto:** oh right btw you have 5 minutes!!

**+81XXX:**.

 **+81XXX:** what

 **+81XXX:** 5 mins on what??

 **+81XXX:** MAKO-KUN??

**Naegi Makoto:** 5 minutes until my next lecture

**+81XXX:** oh

 **+81XXX:** so what?? u'll just vanish??

**Naegi Makoto:** yeah </3

 **Naegi Makoto:** unlike you i pay attention because i am an aspiring public speaker

**+81XXX:** rude but ok

 **+81XXX:** but. Wow yeah

 **+81XXX:** thats so cool u could be besties w my roomie if u manage to be on her wavelength

**Naegi Makoto:** ahaha that’s nice to know!! unfortunately i can’t say the same for mine :’) but idk he seems to be ok with me. so maybe you would get along with him just fine

 **Naegi Makoto:** anyway. i have to go now ^^

 **Naegi Makoto:** please listen to your lectures romeo-san

**+81XXX:** i am. thinking about it ;P

 **+81XXX:** and talk to u later mako-kun (★≧▽^))★☆


	2. what is a ‘lightning mcqueen’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **i'm a horrible cook apparently** _changed the group name to_ **milfsexuals**
> 
>  **romeo-san:** funny but. is togami-kun even attracted to women
> 
>  **i'm a horrible cook apparently** _changed the group name to_ **milfsexuals and togami**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> adjhasjd no kirigiri in this chapter because i don't know how to limit myself ;-; togami is here now and he's um. he's there. she'll be in the next one if you're looking for her ^^
> 
> also i didnt notice but i used the wrong chapter title for the first one so uh. it's more memey now i guess?

**THU 2 Sep (1:45 PM)**

**romeo-san:** psst

 **romeo-san:** hey

 **romeo-san:** hey

 **romeo-san:** hey :(

 **romeo-san:** mako-kun ik ur free around this time and im a dying sunflower in need of attention stop ignoring me :’(

 **romeo-san:** no fr i want to ask you about the cat-spitting-a-hairball-on-you story lol

**Naegi Makoto:** I’m sorry, who is this?

**romeo-san:** bro u texted me first who are YOU

**Naegi Makoto:** You’re obviously mistaken seeing as you texted me first.

**romeo-san:** no like u texted me first before TODAY obv obv!!

 **romeo-san:** r u good

**Naegi Makoto:** Yes, clearly.

**romeo-san:** …did u eat something weird

 **romeo-san:** omg did u actually delete our convo now and started typing in proper format for some reason

 **romeo-san:** WAIT

 **romeo-san:** r u his kidnapper?? did u kidnap him?? that explains things

 **romeo-san:** u’ll be found in less than a day. i have the best aspiring detective on dial

 **romeo-san:** ill fight u in court bitchboy

**Naegi Makoto:** I am not his kidnapper.

 **Naegi Makoto:** The actual ‘mako-kun’ is out for the moment. I am a… friend in charge of his phone for the meantime.

**romeo-san:** whats with that ellipsis before ‘friend’ lol that looks so distressing

 **romeo-san:** i think i need to shut up rn but omg hiii hi hi

 **romeo-san:** …im sorry can i be honest w u ‘mako-kun’s friend’

 **romeo-san:** this is so awkward idk how to approach u

 **romeo-san:** u give off the smarty pants vibe and idk how to talk to those kinds of ppl

**Naegi Makoto:** Which one of us is the one who offered the notion of friendship despite knowing that the person on the other side was a complete stranger?

 **Naegi Makoto:** Whatever positive thing he says about you, I don’t trust you.

**romeo-san:** whoa chill

 **romeo-san:** i get that ur wary and thats great!! by all means im a stranger and ur looking out for him even if ur not saying it outright for some reason lol

 **romeo-san:** but do not fret mx. smarty pants :P im just a funky lil lesbiab who is in fact looking for more friends

 **romeo-san:** do u need a phone call to prove it or

 **romeo-san:** wait im bored rn pls do

**Naegi Makoto:** You are strange.

**romeo-san:** ive heard worse

**Naegi Makoto:** Should I just block you so this phone doesn’t needlessly get notified every few seconds? This conversation is aimless and getting nowhere.

**romeo-san:** wait noooo nooo

 **romeo-san:** do u not go outside and talk to ppl

 **romeo-san:** touch some grass

 **romeo-san:** ‘aimless’ headass we *ARE* having a normal conversation

 **romeo-san:** snobby man no plss mako-kun is a cool dude and i wanna talk to him again u cant deny this of me!! clause 13 something something of my inherent human rights or whatever

**Naegi Makoto:** Don’t call me that.

**romeo-san:** YAY UR STILL HERE

 **romeo-san:** omg also i knew it u are the snobby friend he keeps talking about

**Naegi Makoto:** He talks about me?

 **Naegi Makoto:** Never mind that. Go bother someone else or I’ll block you.

**romeo-san:** wow ive got threatened with blocks two times in a day already damn ur cold

 **romeo-san:** also this isnt called ‘bothering’ we just talk until we dont that’s how we roll

**Naegi Makoto:** I will block you now. Good afternoon.

**romeo-san:** u know thats ur third time saying that already so its p much an empty threat

 **romeo-san:** if i wait long enough u will reply again i just know it

 **romeo-san:** oooooh ooooooh u wanna block me so bad ooooooh

 **romeo-san:** u totally didnt like

 **romeo-san:** block me. didnt u

 **romeo-san:** bet a thousand yen mako-kun’s phone is still going off

 **romeo-san:** also u type like a nerd

**Naegi Makoto:** Just… stop.

**romeo-san:** LMAO

 **romeo-san:** ur still here (★≧▽^))★☆

 **romeo-san:** called it

 **romeo-san:** i bet u don’t even know how to block me lol

**Naegi Makoto:** I do.

**romeo-san:** then y arent u doing anything

**Naegi Makoto:** I’m curious.

 **Naegi Makoto:** Are you satisfied?

**romeo-san:** my grades are taking a nosedive and my uni life is in shambles ofc im never satisfied

 **romeo-san:** jokes aside

 **romeo-san:** curiosity killed the cat yk

**Naegi Makoto:** It will certainly kill one of us.

**romeo-san:** is that a threat

**Naegi Makoto:** It’s a promise.

**romeo-san:** oh

 **romeo-san:** anyway.

 **romeo-san:** u do have some balls… thats good to know

**Naegi Makoto:** You’ve been nothing but a headache to me ever since I started speaking to you.

**romeo-san:** hell yeah we all live up to something

 **romeo-san:** i remember my roommate saying the exact same thing. but like… ur a headache (affectionate)

 **romeo-san:** and not

 **romeo-san:** ur a headache (derogatory)

**Naegi Makoto:** They clearly haven’t seen how irritating you are.

**romeo-san:** damn ok that snark bites people chill down my man

 **romeo-san:** but jokes on u ive been roomies w her for an entire year

**Naegi Makoto:** I pity her then.

**romeo-san:** :’(

 **romeo-san:** u wound me

 **romeo-san:** to be fair mako-kun did tell me ur kinda difficult so.,.,., this is fine

**Naegi Makoto:** I happen to like being ‘difficult’, as you put so rudely.

 **Naegi Makoto:** I also happen to listen to lectures attentively and make considerate use of the money spent on my time.

**romeo-san:** SHIT ok ok damn ill listen good god no need to b passive agressive

 **romeo-san:** of all things mako-kun had to tell u it had to be that???

**Naegi Makoto:** I’m still contemplating on blocking you. Just go back to your lecture or whatever you were doing before you used me as a distraction.

**romeo-san:** D:

\--

**THU 2 Sep (2:36 PM)**

**Naegi Makoto:** um

 **Naegi Makoto:** this is mako now (real)

 **Naegi Makoto:** sorry about the conversation earlier? ahaha

 **Naegi Makoto:** he’s not very receptive to strangers unless you’re like… super clever or something

 **Naegi Makoto:** idk why he even likes hanging around me but he does?? i like to think we’re friends but i can’t read him super well yet ^^

**romeo-san:** what a roundabout way of saying he just thought i was dumb lol

**Naegi Makoto:** dsokjfk i’m sorry!!

 **Naegi Makoto:** i mean tbf he just thinks everyone else is like. a background character (or something??) unless you prove otherwise

 **Naegi Makoto:** being annoyed is just his version of being happy

**romeo-san:** idk if thats funny or if thats just straight up concerning

**Naegi Makoto:** say ‘it’s funny’ so we don’t have to go into an in-detail discussion and psychoanalysis of his mental health and consequently talk about mental health as a whole in the process

**romeo-san:** ahaha this is sooooo funny

 **romeo-san:**.

 **romeo-san:** wow r we okay

**Naegi Makoto:** no <333

 **Naegi Makoto:** also um

 **Naegi Makoto:** can i add someone in this convo

**romeo-san:** i mean sure if it makes u comfy lol

 **romeo-san:** but who

 **romeo-san:** ur crush??? eyes emoji

**Naegi Makoto:** you did not just type that out.

**romeo-san:** yes :’P

 **romeo-san:** ok but srs?? who

**Naegi Makoto:** i have a feeling you won’t like him

 **Naegi Makoto:** he wanted to be added to our convo so he can ”””be certain””” like i know what that means?? stop being mysterious

**romeo-san:** WHO???

**naegi.makoto1212** _added_ **official.togamib**

**naegi.makoto1212:** oh omg since you’re not a contact anymore and we’re in a group you can see my user now ;; it’s kinda embarrassing dksdsf

 **naegi.makoto1212:** this has been my username since sixth grade……….

**romeo-san:** OHHH so ‘mako’ rlly is just a part of ur name!! helooo naegi-kun (●o’∪`o)ノ―♪`*.+

 **romeo-san:** my nickname has also been set to romeo-san for cryptic reasons

 **romeo-san:** also who is that ????

**naegi.makoto1212:** the one you talked to earlier ^^

**romeo-san:** oh lol the nerd

 **romeo-san:** why do i feel like ive seen that name before

 **romeo-san:** WAIT

 **romeo-san:** WAITTT WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

 **romeo-san:** UR FRIENDS WITH THE HEIR OF THE TOGAMI CONGLOMERATE???

**naegi.makoto1212:** …yes?

**romeo-san:** oh my god i think im going to pass out

 **romeo-san:** no way. no. no way. this is so weird

 **romeo-san:** DO YOU ATTEND HPA?

**naegi.makoto1212:** excuse me???

**romeo-san:** FUCKINFDM HPA???

 **romeo-san:** business major togami byakuya??? hello??? year 2??? REAL????

 **romeo-san:** unspoken rule of thumb that everyone knows him at this point bc how could u not??

**naegi.makoto1212:** yep!!

**romeo-san:** holy shit. Im

 **romeo-san:** i

 **romeo-san:** this. this might sound unreal

**naegi.makoto1212:**???

 **naegi.makoto1212:** wait hold on

**romeo-san:** oh ok lol

**naegi.makoto1212** _changed their nickname to_ **i’m a horrible cook apparently**

**romeo-san:** …mistook ‘cook’ for ‘cock’ a second there

**naegi.makoto1212:** KJSAHSJAHD(*@*@ NOOOO

**romeo-san:** whats the context for that anyway??

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** my sister came over to my dorm and i asked what she wanted as a snack while visiting

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** she said ‘not your salsa mac and cheese obviously’ because 3 years ago i accidentally added in salsa instead of milk when i was making mac and cheese around 3 am

**romeo-san:** oh honey if i were ur sister i will never let u know peace for the rest of ur life until it goes on ur tombstone too

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** which means i do not want you to be my sister at all

**romeo-san:** ;)

 **romeo-san:** cant wait to be ur sibling in my next reincarnation so i can catalogue all ur mistakes with my freakishly supernatural memory

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** ‘supernatural memory’ until we’re asked where we put our *insert eventually relevant item here*

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** also what we’re you about to say?

**romeo-san:** JSHJAHDJA MOOD

 **romeo-san:** i don’t even have good memory i sometimes have to trace something on my palms three times so i dont forget

 **romeo-san:** oh yea

 **romeo-san:** this might sound wild but i think we go to the same college

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** OH???

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** oh my god we do??

**romeo-san:** i kind of had my suspicions when u said ‘maizono-san’ on that time you first texted me

 **romeo-san:** bc like. the only maizono i know is former teen pop sensation maizono on hiatus who now attends music theory here

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** yes that’s her!! ^^

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** WAIT

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** who ARE you

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** we can like..,., meet up omg

**romeo-san:** if we do can u tell me about the cat hairball story

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** i keep telling you there’s no story behind that…… a cat just decided i was appropriate to spit on ok………

**romeo-san:** u do know by refusing to tell me the dramatics will just keep building it up right

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** for the last time there is no story behind it !!

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** also how can you prove to me you’re not lying about being in the same college as me

**romeo-san:** ok but y do u assume im lying

**official.togamib:** You tried to make him believe you were Kuwata’s non-existent sister who was secretly in love with him.

**romeo-san:** AHAHAHAH OH YEAH

 **romeo-san:** fair. touche

 **romeo-san:** oh and hello u nerd :P

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** wait we can use our real names now right……

**romeo-san:** yeah sure lol

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** hi togami-kun :D sorry if the notifs were bothering you ^^

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** you can mute us if you like :] we talk like this all the time so i understand if it can get annoying!!

**official.togamib:** _@romeo-san_ Don’t call me that.

 **official.togamib:** Moreover, it’s alright. If anything, I’m curious as to who’s behind the ‘romeo-san’ you keep talking to nowadays, anyway.

**romeo-san:** wait so u type like that ALL the damn time

 **romeo-san:** i thought u were just trying to be scary

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** yeah he does ;;

**romeo-san:** oh my god u ARE a nerd

 **romeo-san:** not as much as a nerd as my roomie bc shes the biggest nerd out there but omg

 **romeo-san:** naegi-kun i cant believe ur friends with a BUSINESS MAJOR

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** JKDJASHDJS

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** the business department is so scary they look like they can devour me alive pls

**official.togamib:** With how you present yourself normally, they clearly will.

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** D: now that’s just rude

**romeo-san:** i think he’s telling you that you need to speak up more and stop being a pushover if you don’t want them to ‘devour’ you

**official.togamib:** You understood that? That’s surprising.

**romeo-san:** WHA??

 **romeo-san:** ok wow i take everything nice i said about u back. u r MEAN

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** how the HELL do you pick that up from… that

**romeo-san:** i told u

 **romeo-san:** my roommate is a nerd

 **romeo-san:** togami-kun, apparently, is also a nerd

 **romeo-san:** which essentially means i have some semblance of understanding

 **romeo-san:** i have learned their language

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** is that how it really works,

**romeo-san:** no but to be fair the business department IS scary

 **romeo-san:** have u seen ludenberg from economics?? i mean the way she dresses is GOALS but like. im not fucking around w that shes intimidating as hell lol

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** oh wow so you do attend the same college as togami-kun and i

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** she’s friends with him… and. well. me?? by association?? i think

**romeo-san:** wow capitalists are attracted to each other the same way gay ppl are… magnetism is real

**official.togamib:** ‘magnetism is real’ implies you never thought it was before.

**romeo-san:** now now we cant just go imply people r dumb togami-kun its very mean

**official.togamib:** It’s not an implication.

**romeo-san:** D:

 **romeo-san:** ill have u kno i had to keep my grades up during high school bc i was a member of the varsity

 **romeo-san:** so contrary to the popular belief i am not dumb. but just space out for minutes at a time :P

**official.togamib:** I doubt you for a number of reasons, but feel free to prove otherwise.

**romeo-san:** this is so sad

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** KJSKAJDAKS

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** ok now before we get sidetracked any further

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** _@romeo-san_ are you okay with meeting up later?? so i can convince togami-kun and myself that you are absolutely Real™

**romeo-san:** i am 100% bona fide and authentic ex-fucking-scuse me

 **romeo-san:** like i have a brain flesh and some bones if thats what ur thinking

 **romeo-san:** i get off lecture and be free by 3:30 btw

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** that’s good to know!!

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** _@official.togamib_ is 3:30 later ok for you togami-kun??

**official.togamib:** Fortunately for you I can make enough time despite the workload.

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** are you holding up a huge ‘sarcasm’ sign without me knowing or…

**official.togamib:** You’re embarrassing. I’m not. That was a genuine answer.

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** again. rude

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** but ok :D

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** 3:30 it is!!

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** at last romeo-san you are not hiding behind anonymity any longer

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** i can now stop imagining a gaudily dressed white boy speaking in your place every time you chat

**romeo-san:** im not even pale. i have MELANIN

 **romeo-san:** also is it weird i imagine an egg speaking when ur the one chatting

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** like humpty dumpty??

**romeo-san:** no like

 **romeo-san:** just a fucking egg

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** JSDHJASHD WHERE DID THAT COME FROM???

**romeo-san:** THATS WHY I ASKED IF IT WAS WEIRD OK

 **romeo-san:** _@official.togamib_ pspspspsps cmere rawr xD

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** PLSJHSHF

**romeo-san:** do u think its weird i imagine naegi-kun to be an egg if hes typing

**official.togamib:** Yes.

**romeo-san:** damn u didn’t even hesitate

 **romeo-san:** do u dislike me

**official.togamib:** Yes.

**romeo-san:** your loss then. im a fucking delight to be around okay.

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** lol

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** ok but what do you imagine when it’s togami-kun speaking

**romeo-san:** lightning mcqueen

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** HUH???

**romeo-san:** kachow

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** i

**romeo-san:** STOP IVE LITERALLY ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR ONLY 2 HOURS KJSKSFJD

 **romeo-san:** idk he gives me that vibe……

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** of a car??????

**romeo-san:** I GUESS???/

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** DJHSGHFDJS

**official.togamib:** What is a ‘lightning mcqueen’?

**romeo-san:** now that’s just very depressing

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** togami-kun,,,,,, i'll um. i'll tell you about him later?

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** sdkjfkjsdf

**official.togamib:** I'll do my own research. But... thank you.

**romeo-san:** why does it sound like ur having a hard time thanking him can u be nromal

 **romeo-san:** or we all just like/.././. mentally constipated in some way

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** the latter

**romeo-san:** wow how r we flocking to each other

 **romeo-san:** anyway the prof is looking at me very Menacingly i think i have to go for now

 **romeo-san:** but i do have one major concern

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** oh ok!! what’s that??

**romeo-san:** group name

 **romeo-san:** and togami-kun’s name is so bland god bles

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** jshdjhs hmmm let me think of something

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** i'm like a senior citizen who can’t keep up with the young internet memes

**i'm a horrible cook apparently** _changed the group name to_ **milfsexuals**

**romeo-san:** funny but. is togami-kun even attracted to women

**i'm a horrible cook apparently** _changed the group name to_ **milfsexuals and togami**

**romeo-san:** nice

**official.togamib:** At least name this conversation to something titular and indicative of its content.

**romeo-san:** idk bout u bro but milfs are pretty ‘titular’ and ‘indicative’ to me

 **romeo-san:** like cmon

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** yeah <3

**romeo-san:** pspspsps naegi-kun give me admin

 **romeo-san:** i have a FANTASTIC idea please please pl

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** hgnngghf wait i’m not used to having admin privileges in chat so this will take a while

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** oh found it!!

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** you’re an admin now ^^

**romeo-san:** u will regret this

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** will i?? yes

**romeo-san:** rood

 **romeo-san:** ok wait

**romeo-san** _changed official.togamib’s nickname to_ **manipulate, mansplain, malewife**

**manipulate, mansplain, malewife:** Is this an internet thing I don’t know about?

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** JHSAJHDJSHD

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** YEA H .

**romeo-san** _changed the group name to_ **#gayswhogototherapychellange**

**manipulate, mansplain, malewife:** You misspelled ‘challenge’.

**romeo-san:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **romeo-san:** im sexy as hell anyways this means nothing

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** JHSJAHJ CHELLANGE

 **i'm a horrible cook apparently:** CHELLANGE CHELLANGE

**romeo-san:** SHUT UP

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** CHELLANGE E

**romeo-san:** yells so hard i shatter a fucking window

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** CHELLANGE CHELLANGE

**romeo-san:** if i hit u gently with a hammer to the cranium will u be mad

**i'm a horrible cook apparently** _changed_ **romeo-san’s** _nickname to_ **struggle tweets**

**struggle tweets:** i already hate it here

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** you chose to be here actually

**struggle tweets:** oh yeah i did.,.,.

 **struggle tweets:** what’s up youtube!! today im going to do another unboxing video

 **struggle tweets:** i then enter the graveyard with a shovel,

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** pain. bloodshed. anger. kill. torture. suffering. anger. gatorade. fruit roll ups

**manipulate, mansplain, malewife:** You two are strange.

**manipulate, mansplain, malewife** _left the group_

**i'm a horrible cook apparently:** oh

**struggle tweets:** lol


End file.
